The Wedding Speech

All praise is due to Allah ﷻ, Lord of the worlds and May His peace and blessings be upon His final prophet and messenger, Muhammad ﷺ.

This summer, August 2015, I (The Katibah) attended a wedding celebration, which in my experience was like no other I had ever been to before. You may be wondering; what could be so different about it? It most likely was like any other Asian wedding I had been to before. The usual extravagance, the over-the-top dressed women, the inter-mingling of men and women, and each person trying to outdo the other. But no! This was different.

Yes, there was a fair share of (in my opinion) over-the-top dressed women. Nevertheless, it was fine. Why? Because there was no inter-mingling! And the best part about it? I did not have to keep my veil on! Which usually I do have to because there’s always that one person in your family who doesn’t understand the word “segregated” and yes, there was a stage. But it was nice and simple, and how could I forget to mention; the groom did not come into the hall with his friends to sit with his bride. (Before you start thinking “Wow! Really?!” He came to see her after the nikaah.)

So, how does the entirety of all this still make the wedding different? There was everyone sitting around the tables, waiting for their food. Instead of announcing, “The food is now ready to be served”, the host announced there would be a little “program” before the food is served. Unusual right?! You do not have “programmes” at weddings. It is a time to socialise and check the “eligible girls” out. A time to take pictures, show your face, and most importantly, be a critic on the food.

However, this was different and I loved it! How thoughtful of the hosts! Not only did they invite us. They gave all the guests a chance to be a part of a very special and blessed gathering, Alhumdulillah!

First, came the Qiraat (Recitation of the Qur’an) and then came the wedding speech. Subhanallah! What a wedding speech it was! Now you are probably thinking, it’s just a wedding speech! Probably had the usual embarrassing the bride a little, telling the new brother-in-law to look after her and cracking a couple of jokes.

Again, No! The brother of the bride took his time out to write a speech, which was a great reminder for the person who truly listened. This speech is what I would like to share with you today.

The wedding speech by Usama Saleh

(Student of Jamiatul-Ilm Wal-Huda, Blackburn)

إِنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلَّهِ نَحْمَدُهُ وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ ونستغفره ونعوذ بالله من شرور أنفسنا ومن سيئات أعمالنا مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللَّهُ فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ وَأَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ، أما بعد.

قال الله عز وجل،

أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم، بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

يا أيها الناس اتقوا ربكم الذي خلقكم من نفس واحدة وخلق منها زوجها وبث منهما رجالا كثيراً ونساءً، واتقوا اللهَ الذي تسآءلون به والأرحام. إن الله كان عليكم رقيبا.

 (٤:١)

وقال تعالى

أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم، بسم الله الرحمن الحيم

يا ايها الذين ءامنوا اتقوا الله حق تقاته ولا تموتن إلا وأنتم مسلمون.

(٣:١٠٢) 

وقال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم،

النِّكَاحُ مِنْ سُنَّتِي فَمَنْ لَمْ يَعْمَلْ بِسُنَّتِي فَلَيْسَ مِنِّي

(رواه ابن ماجه)

First and foremost, all praise is due to Allah ﷻ, who has united us in this blessed gathering. It is solely out of His mercy and His will that today, we are able to feel this happiness and bliss in our hearts.

It is for this reason that the message of taqwah is instilled in the khutbah of the nikaah ceremony. The prophet ﷺ is reminding us that it is incumbent upon us that we do not forget the rights of that merciful Allah ﷻ who continues to shower upon us these times of joy and happiness. It is only through Allah’s ﷻ will that we are gathered here today in celebration. So it is only natural, that we express our happiness, in a manner pleasing to Allah ﷻ.

It is in our nature, as humans, that once we reach a certain age, both the male and female desires to spend the rest of their lives in the company of a spouse. Male in the company of a female and female in the company of a male.

The prophet ﷺ has said,

النِّكَاحُ مِنْ سُنَّتِي فَمَنْ لَمْ يَعْمَلْ بِسُنَّتِي فَلَيْسَ مِنِّي

‘Marriage is a part of my Sunnah, and whoever does not follow my sunnah is not a part of me.’

(رواه ابن ماجه)

By mentioning this, nikaah has now become worship. Subhanallah! How great, how merciful, and how just is Allah ﷻ, that by fulfilling a natural urge and necessity, if done in accordance to the Shariah, our lives can be spent in gaining reward.

Here, two things need to be taken into consideration:

  • The rights of Allah.(تقوى)
  • The rights of the spouse, the in-laws, the children and the family (حسن الخلق)

So whom do we look towards for inspiration? Whose example do we take? Who was the most god-fearing? Who had the best of character?

Allah ﷻ says,

لقد كان لكم في رسول الله أسوةٌ حسنةٌ لمن كان يرجوا اللهَ واليوم الآخِر وذكر الله كثيرا

‘Indeed, in the Messenger of Allah you have an excellent example to follow, for him who hopes for (the meeting with) Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah much.’

(٣٣:٢١)

Hence, through His Qur’an, Allah ﷻ has instructed us we take our beloved Prophet ﷺ as an example and no one else.

The prophet ﷺ has said regarding himself,

أَمَا وَاللَّهِ إِنِّي لأَتْقَاكُمْ لِلَّهِ وَأَخْشَاكُمْ لَهُ

‘By Allah, I am the most God conscious amongst you and I fear Him most amongst you.’

 (رواه مسلم)

Allah states regarding the prophet’s ﷺ character;

وإنك لعلى خلق عظيم

And indeed, you are of a great moral character.

(٦٨:٤)

Ibn Qayyum (RA) has said,

‘The prophet had both taqwah and good character; this was because taqwah is what fixes that which is between a slave and his Lord, and good character is that which fixes what is between a person and Allah’s creation. Hence, taqwah in Allah results in His love, and good character calls people towards loving him.’

So how was the prophet ﷺ with his wives? What advice did he give in regards to a successful marriage? How did he behave with his children?

The prophet ﷺ has said, 

أكمل المؤمنين إيمانا أحسنهم خُلقا، وخياركم خياركم لنسائهم

‘The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best behavior, and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives.

 (رواه ترمذي)

Hence, we learn that the believing men should be kind towards their wives and gain their love.

The manner in which the prophet ﷺ lived with his wives was of good character and cordial nature. He used to invite the young girls from the Ansaar over, so that Aishah (RA) could play with them. Whenever she wanted to do something for which there was no prohibition, the prophet ﷺ would partake with her. He ﷺ would drink from the same cup as his wife and would place his blessed mouth on the same place as his wife. The prophet ﷺ used to recite the Qur’an whilst his head was resting on her thigh and they also raced each other twice whilst on a journey.

Aishah (RA) narrates,

The Ethiopians were in the masjid playing, so he said to me, ‘Oh Humayra! Would you like to look at them?’ So, I said, ‘Yes’. So he stood by the door and he placed my chin on his shoulders and I leaned my face on his cheeks…’

(Narrated in Nasa’ee)

In the narration above the prophet ﷺ called Aishah (RA) by another name – Humayra. On another occasion he ﷺ called her Aish’. This is a very effective way of increasing the feelings of fondness and compassion between a married couple. In our times, this is known as pet names such as ‘sweetheart’ or ‘honey’ etc.

We should create an atmosphere of fun and happiness during the time of celebrations by having activities that allow the family to relax. However, we need to be bear in mind that our enjoyments are in accordance to the boundaries of Shari’ah.

The prophet ﷺ has said,

إِنَّكَ لَنْ تُنْفِقَ نَفَقَةً تَبْتَغِي بِهَا وَجْهَ اللَّهِ إِلَّا أُجِرْتَ عَلَيْهَا حَتَّى مَا تَجْعَلُ فِي فَمِ امْرَأَتِكَ

‘You will be rewarded for whatever you spend for Allah’s sake even if it were a morsel which you put in your wife’s mouth.’

 (رواه بخاري)

A believer is rewarded for feeding his wife. He is rewarded for smiling. When he walks into the house, he should walk in with a smile and he should say salaam.

We should make it an effort to pay close attention to the special traits of our spouse.

Aishah (RA) narrated that the prophet ﷺ said to her;

إِنِّي لأَعْرِفُ غَضَبَكِ وَرِضَاكِ “. قَالَتْ قُلْتُ وَكَيْفَ تَعْرِفُ ذَاكَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ قَالَ ” إِنَّكِ إِذَا كُنْتِ رَاضِيَةً قُلْتِ بَلَى وَرَبِّ مُحَمَّدٍ. وَإِذَا كُنْتِ سَاخِطَةً قُلْتِ لاَ وَرَبِّ إِبْرَاهِيمَ “. قَالَتْ قُلْتُ أَجَلْ لَسْتُ أُهَاجِرُ إِلاَّ اسْمَكَ

“I know whether you are angry or pleased.” I said, “How do you know that, Oh Messenger of Allah ?” He said, “When you are pleased, you say, “Yes, by the Lord of Muhammad ,’ but when you are angry, you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Ibrahim!'” I said, “Yes, I do not leave, except your name.”

 (رواه بخاري)

Once both spouses are aware of each other’s specific traits, especially that which makes the other happy or unhappy – then they have, Insha Allah, established the foundation for a fruitful marriage.

These are a few points the husband must take into consideration.

As for the women, Allah ﷻ describes the righteous ones as,

فالصالحاتُ قانتاتٌ حافظاتٌ للغيب

So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence. 

(٤:٣٤)

The commentators of the Qur’an have written that here قانتاتٌ means obedient to Allah. It is possible that it can also mean obedient to their husbands, but the stronger opinion is obedient to Allah.

The prophet ﷺ states further;

إذا صلت المرأة خمسها، وصامت شهرها، وحصَّنت فرجها، وأطاعت بعلها، دخلت من أيِّ أبوب الجنة شاءت

‘If a woman observes her prayers, fasts the month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, is obedient to her husband, she will be allowed to enter Jannah through whichever door she desires.’

(صحيح الترغيب)

In this Hadith, we see the prophet ﷺ encouraging the wife to fulfill both the rights of Allah ﷻ and the rights of the people, i.e. Taqwah and Good Character.

How great is the reward for a woman who reads her salaah, keeps her fasts, protects her honour and obeys her husband. Just four things and she can enter into paradise through any door of her choice.

On another occasion, the prophet ﷺ described the best of women. He said, 

قِيلَ لِرَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم أَىُّ النِّسَاءِ خَيْرٌ قَالَ: الَّتِي تَسُرُّهُ إِذَا نَظَرَ وَتُطِيعُهُ إِذَا أَمَرَ وَلاَ تُخَالِفُهُ فِي نَفْسِهَا وَمَالِهَا بِمَا يَكْرَهُ

“It was said to the Messenger of Allah : ‘Which woman is best?’ He said, ‘The one who makes him happy when he looks at her, obeys him when he commands her, and she does not go against his wishes with regard to herself nor her wealth.

(سنن النسائي)

In another place, he ﷺ said;

خير نساءكم الوَدود الوَلود المواتية المواسية إذا اتَّقين الله

‘The best of your women are those who are extremely affectionate, very fertile, those women who are gentle and comforting, if they fear Allah .’

(سنن البيهقي)

The wife should show her affection to her husband through her speech, her appearance, her actions and her character. She should want to have children. She should not be harsh and rigid. Rather she should be gentle and soft. She should not be arrogant. Rather she should listen. She should want to console and comfort her husband. She should stand by his side and aid him upon good.

As Khadija (RA) did with the prophet ﷺ after he received revelation for the first time. The prophet ﷺ rushed back home, his heart trembling and shivering. He ﷺ said to her;

زَمِّلُونِي زَمِّلُونِي، لقد خشيت على نفسي

Cover me! Cover me! I fear for myself.

 (رواه بخاري)

She replied,

وَاللَّهِ مَا يُخْزِيكَ اللَّهُ أَبَدًا، إِنَّكَ لَتَصِلُ الرَّحِمَ، وَتَحْمِلُ الْكَلَّ، وَتَكْسِبُ الْمَعْدُومَ، وَتَقْرِي الضَّيْفَ، وَتُعِينُ عَلَى نَوَائِبِ الْحَقِّ

By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guests generously and assist the deserving calamity-afflicted ones.

(رواه بخاري)

Notice how in such a time of distress Khadija (RA) consoled the prophet ﷺ. She stood by his side and gave him hope. She listed his good qualities and comforted him. She did not shout at him and leave him be.

This is exactly how the wife should behave towards the husband. If one day, her husband comes home having lost his job, she should not start shouting at him and tell him that he is of no use. Instead, she should take the example of Khadija (RA) and stand by him in his time of hardship.

Going back to Hadith, it ends with إذا اتَّقين الله.

Like everything, these qualities of being affectionate, wanting children, being gentle and comforting are only beneficial if the wife fears Allah ﷻ. If she used these qualities only in search of the world, then it was to no avail. However, if she uses them in search of the pleasure of Allah ﷻ, then she will be rewarded accordingly.

Amongst the things both the husband and wife need to take into consideration is that, they must remember that not everyone is perfect. Therefore, they should overlook the mistakes made by each other. The couple should also keep in mind that disputes will occur. One must hasten in reconciling marital disputes, even if it means one compromises for the other. Otherwise, it will fester and leave an ill feeling in the heart and when this happens, it will be very difficult to rectify the situation.

Whenever the wives of the prophet ﷺ would make a mistake or do something wrong, he ﷺ would be the first to rectify things.

It is very important to know, initially, if either of the spouse finds it difficult to be with his/her partner, then before making any rash decisions, take into consideration the verse,

عسى أن تكرهوا شيأً وهو خير لكم

It may be that you dislike a thing, however, if it good for you.

 (٢:٢١٦)

My teacher, May Allah ﷻ reward him, mentioned a story regarding a person who was newly-wed. He was not comfortable with his spouse. He felt this marriage was not right for him and was considering a divorce. However, he came across the ayah mentioned above and he thought, maybe Allah ﷻ has something good for me in this. Therefore, he kept her in his marriage.

He later said regarding his marriage,

“Alhumdulillah, through the blessings of that one ayah which I put my trust in, Allah ﷻ gave me Ulama’ and Huffaz as children from this woman and made her beloved to me.”

Therefore, we should always be happy with whatever decisions Allah ﷻ makes in regards to us.

I would like to finish now with the key to a happy marriage, full of love and affection.

Allah ﷻ says in the Quran,

إن الذين ءامنوا وعملوا الصالحت سيجعل لهم الرحمن ودا

Verily, those who believe and do good deeds, Allah will place love amongst them.

 (١٩:٩٦)

It is not we, who have the ability to control the emotions of the heart. It is all under the control of Allah ﷻ. If we please him, and fulfill the rights he holds over us, then he will keep us pleased. It was on this very foundation of Imaan and good deeds that Allah united the warring tribes of Aws and Khazrah from Madinah Munawwarah to form the Ansaar as we know of them today.

Allah says,

لو أنفقت ما في الأرض جميعا ما ألفت بين قلوبهم، ولكن اللهَ ألف بينهم

If you spent all the contents of the earth, you would not have been able to unite them, however, it was Allah that united them.

(٨:٦٣)

Due to their faith, Allah ﷻ solved whatever problems the people had and united them. He ﷻ gave them a newfound hope and pleasure in their daily lives. If Allah ﷻ united the hearts of people who had hatred and enmity between them, He ﷻ can most definitely unite the hearts of the husband and wife.

All praise is due to Allah ﷻ at the beginning and at the end.

May you be rewarded for visiting my page and May we all benefit. Ameen.

The Katibah.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. peaceloveanunity
    Nov 29, 2015 @ 20:34:51

    SubhanAllah!! May their marriage be full of blessings Ameen

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. Bint Adam
    Dec 01, 2015 @ 17:20:30

    SubhanAllah, such a beautiful reminder. May Allah (swt) reward you for sharing it with us and May He (swt) grant us the ability to follow in the path of RasulAllah (saw) and the Sahaabiyahs (rah) آمين

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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